There’s something they don’t tell you about heartache: It doesn’t just disappear. I haven’t written a blog post in well over a month and every day has felt like a foggy, unending existence. I remember posting Finding Myself and thinking, ‘things are going to be great from here on out. I’m going to heal, get my confidence back, and conquer the world.’ Boy, was I wrong.

Heartache has no off button. You can’t wake up one day, put on a beautiful dress, and say, ‘I’m over him’ or ‘I don’t mind that I got fired from my dream job.’ We wrongly expect ourselves to heal fast, and when we don’t, we give up one ourselves.

For the past month, I have woken up, laid in bed for a few seconds, and listened to my heart – waiting for it to flutter with joy at the prospect of a new day, only to be greeted with silence. Day after day. Every time I couldn’t get excited about anything, I beat myself up. Why are you so weak? When did you become so sensitive?

It’s 36 minutes past midnight, as I write this. I was already in bed, ready to call it a day, when it hit me. Just because my healing process is taking longer than I expected, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. It only means my feelings, hopes, and dreams wall all the more genuine. The best I can do is give myself the time I need. Listen to my soul. Breathe.

I can no longer say, ‘but it’s been more than a year’ or ‘but he’s already moved on.’ I have to focus on me. And be kind to myself.

So, to anyone going through a dark time – whatever it is – tying your best to keep afloat, but feeling like its taking too long, like you’ll never genuinely laugh again; your recovery journey is your own.

You are strong. You are confident. You will get there. In your own time.

Be kind to yourself.

Image by Robert Balog from Pixabay