No, I did not have a child who then went and had another child. But I am a grandma in every other sense of the word. And to be clear, I don’t mean gives-you-cookies-and-tissues grandma; I’m talking grumpy-hates-everything grandma. Or is that just grandpa?

Anyway, I have always known that I am a Negative Nancy*. It just hit me harder yesterday when I turned into this raging pile of dreadlocks – yes, I have those now – for reasons I prefer not to share because they don’t paint me in the best light. Hint: it involved family.

Naturally, if there is something to dislike about something or someone, I will find it. In any group setting, I am the self-appointed complainer. ‘That’s not even funny,’ ‘that beard makes you look like Santa’ ‘why don’t you chew quieter?’ Yep, that’s me, and it can be exhausting for people to deal with me in this state.

I don’t listen to trending music (Truth Hurts by Lizzo was a glowing exception). I don’t wear trending clothes. In fact, I don’t have trendy clothes. My favorite thing to say about trends is ‘you look like a choir.’ I don’t like hype shows, music shows, or reality shows. So yes, I don’t keep up with the Kardashians or the Bahatis (some couple where I live).

If there is a trending couple on the internet, I either don’t know them or don’t like them. If people are excited about a snack or food, I will find a reason why it is disgusting. I haven’t logged onto my Instagram account for several months – I even lost count. So, minus the gray hair, frumpy dresses, and yelling at kids, tell me I’m not a grandma?

Don’t get me wrong; it doesn’t hurt me to hate or complain about things. Doesn’t even use up a lot of energy. In fact, I sometimes like it. Because in my mind, people who are always happy are just looking to get hurt. It’s like, ‘you just keep smiling, and the world will give you something to frown about.’ Twisted huh? Well.

Still, I don’t like how my negativity affects the people around me. And, other times, being the grandma in a group is very alienating – again because I’m not the cookies and tissues type. So, I’m thinking; maybe I can be like 3 percent less negative.

I will laugh at corny jokes and listen to two trending hits a week. I will compliment someone when they wear whatever shoes are trending right now, and I might watch a TikTok video or two this month (no promises on the last one). But that’s it. I will not stop complaining vehemently when people chew with their mouths open. That’s just crass.

*I don’t know if people still say Negative Nancy, but Dave from The Neighborhood says it, and I like him, so I’m not changing it.

Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay