I stand at the edge of the precipice

The cold, brutal water awaits me if I jump

The numbness of emotional death welcomes me if I stay

It has been years since I broke my wings

And made a home on this island of solitude

I have long forgotten my friends, and they me

I have long stopped enjoying the sound of music

Or aching for the warmth of human touch

But now, the still, cold arms of loneliness threaten to choke me

I would welcome the release If not for the tiny light still burning in the deepest, darkest recesses of my soul

If not for the whispers that beg me to let it grow – grow and consume me

If not for the voices that remind me, ‘you are a warrior’

‘But I am broken’ I say

‘And you have healed enough to try again,’ they respond

‘But I might fall,’ I cry

‘Or you might soar,’ they counter

They say that I have the wings of the mighty phoenix

Designed to withstand the strongest of flames

And not just to withstand, but to emerge mightier and more powerful than ever

I step closer to the edge, then stop

So I am a warrior, but mine was a life of battle after battle

And I’m not sure I can go back to that

‘So change course, ‘the voice says, ‘and go where you want to go.’

‘I want to be happy,’ I say, ‘to rediscover the joy and folly of youth’

‘I want to be fearless, not in battle, but in how I love.’

‘Can a warrior do that?’

‘Yes, she can’ the voices answer, ‘for as a warrior that has lost in battle, you can love more fiercely’

‘As a fighter that has lived in the darkness, you can enjoy the light better than most’

‘As a warrior that has seen lives being extinguished, you can respect the sanctity of hope.’

‘You are not just a warrior,’ the voices scream, ‘you are the ultimate lover and friend’

I’m not sure I believe the voices

Maybe they speak out of self-preservation, for if I die, what is left of them?

One thing is clear to me, however, if I go back to the light, I do so to enjoy the pleasures of life

If things go bad, I will fight

But when things are great, I will not run away

I will embrace the simple joys

And with that, I take the final step off the ledge