Dear Me,

Hi you. I know you are very confused right now. Confused and scared. You have been alone for so long that everything about relationships feels foreign to you. I was looking through pictures of you from the past two years and you have come a long way. From ALONE and INSECURE to ALONE and HAPPY. You have learned to laugh out loud and sincerely. To cry when you need to. And to be strong always. You have learned to depend on yourself for strength, for motivation, for joy, and for comfort. You have learned to control all the variables that can be controlled and avoid those that cannot.

But…

You have also chosen to let someone into your life. And that means carving out a space for them in this happy but solitary castle of yours. It means ceding some control and opening yourself up to the fact that you will not always know what’s coming. It means understanding that, sometimes, you will rely on this person for strength, for motivation, for joy, and for comfort. It means you need to learn to be okay with that.

There will be days when this person stresses you more than they help. And on these days, you will yearn for those days you were alone. But do not forget that you also yearned for someone like them. You will want to run back to the past because it is safe and familiar but you must not do that. You do not always think it, but you are stronger than that. You are the strongest woman I know.

And…

Even as you share the laughs and cries with this person, you should never stop being true to yourself. Continue to love the things you love, continue to be a headstrong Feminist, a nerdy Bookworm, a sitcom Craze Fan, a brainy Scientist, a thirsty Historian, an unashamed Explorer. Continue to pursue the things that set your soul on fire. Not just because this is the girl your partner fell in love with, but because it is the girl you fell in love too. That vulnerable package of crazy, smart, emotional, weird, and funny. That one. Never stop being her.

And…

If you ever feel like you are losing this girl, even for a second, take a step back. Do not run away but take a step back, find her, hold her hand, and bring her with you. She has been with you throughout your life. The rest of us, we come and go but Chie, she has been there for the darkest days and the happiest ones. She remembers everything. She is the one that can guide you. She IS you.

I am not promising that any of this will be easy. You know all those battles you are still fighting? All those goals you are pursuing? All those milestones you want to reach? You will still need to FIGHT, PURSUE, AND REACH them. Only this time, you will have some help. And isn’t that a good thing?

Please…

Remember to live in and enjoy every moment. You easily get so bogged down by the details of what is happening and how it is happening that you forget to appreciate that it is happening. Do not do that. Be happy when the situation calls for it and rage when there is no other way. Live fully, like you have always done. You know how we do!

That said,

Do not forget to go out with your friends, spend time with your family, and curve out time for yourself and your goals. Do not make this person you are letting into your castle the only inhabitant of the castle; so much so that there is no space left for you. Build your career. Enrich your social life. Meet every goal. Write as many post-it notes as you can and tick them out every day. Let this person enhance the happiness and contentment you already feel, not be the sole source of it.

And on sad days when you do not feel like you can go on, pause. Weigh the benefits against the dangers. Is it worth staying? Are you happier there or somewhere else? Remember clearly the dangers of staying too long. Remember that you have made peace with the fact that nothing lasts forever and listen to what your heart is telling you. If it can go on no longer, give it a break. You might not have the strength, but this is where Chie comes in. She has done it before. She will show you. She will protect you. She is wise beyond her years that one.

She can also be a drag sometimes (don’t tell her I said that) so remember to have fun for her. And for yourself. Laugh at yourself and with others. Take a chance. Say the first hello. Talk to a stranger. Learn something new. Travel. Make memories. Be unafraid and unashamed of everything you are. YOU ARE POWERFUL MY WARRIOR WOMAN!

Most important of all, learn to recognize that letting other people in does not make you less independent. It does not make you weak. It makes you vulnerable, yes, but only the strongest people can do that. And you are one of them. So, ask for help when you need it and accept it when it is offered. And when one person throws you a curveball, do not take it out on everyone. You know not to cluster people. You know to find and believe in the good in everyone. Do not lose that spark.

One last thing. Do not be too stuck up to embarrass yourself. You are graceful even when you are being silly. I have seen you at your happiest and it is usually when you are being your awkward self. This is the most beautiful you can be, so do not be afraid to share it with other people.

Finally – last point I promise – love with all your heart. Like you do everything. Do not say things you do not mean but when you do mean them, do not hold back on speaking them out. Do not rush to feel things you do not feel or pretend to like things you do not like. Let your joy be as genuine as your soul. You will be okay. You will be better than okay. I promise.

PS. I am so proud of you and how far you have come. You know what I mean.

Sincerely,

Your Wise-Ass Alter Ego

Chie 2.0

xoxo